2012年7月21日(六)

在面子书看到有位朋友的留言，不知为何有所感触，就索性把它 ”借用“一下下... 


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你的工作将占掉你人生的一大部分，
唯一真正获得满足的方法就是做你相信是伟大的工作，
而唯一做伟大工作的方法是 爱你所做的事..


如果你还没找到这些事，继续找，别停顿。尽你全心全力，
你知道你一定会找到。而且，如同任何伟大的事业，
事情只会随着时间愈来愈好。所以，
在你找到之前，继续找，别停顿。


不要让别人的意见淹没了你内在的心声。
最重要的，拥有追随自己内心与直觉的勇气，
你的内心与直觉多少已经知道你真正想要成为什么样的人。
>


其实自己已做了将近九个月(205天)的工，但自己还是不是很清楚，到底我做得开心还是不开心。
医生、数学家、数学魔术师、天文学家、作家、游戏程序工程师...
虽然第一份工不是我的梦想工作，工作范围又与我的能力背驰而道，但它还是我必须经过的绊脚石。
虽说如此，但我的斗志与意念能这样一直维持下去吗？


我很清楚自己是个属于偏向左脑思考的人。通常这种类型的，算术、语文、记忆力是特别好的。我的这些长项多亏我还是很小时候，就已一直被父母灌入了很多这些知识，尤其是数字。四五岁就把乘法表背得滚瓜烂熟了，华语国语学得快，什么书都能一目就记得七七八八了，还把我幼稚园的老师吓坏了。


不过事实上，我不擅长的也有很多。我讨厌逻辑，不善这方面的思考。你可能说我在心理作用，但自己每次玩训练脑力的游戏时，我的逻辑是异常地低，算术却是异常地高。此外，艺术、舞蹈、搞创意、手工..这些都是能给我致命伤。不过我现在的生活，偏偏就是需要这些。


之前不信这套，特地去书局找了有关脑力的书。通常人的左右脑是同一个起点开始，如果善于利用，两边都能给予好处。但如果在早期过于专注一边的脑力，大有可能另一边会变得很弱。是真的这样吗？我也不知道，不过真的是有这样的fact。


这个世界是残酷和不平的。有些人守株待兔，就能不劳而获，坐享其成。有些人则必须从零开始，拼了大辈子才能改变自己的生活。我身边的人告诉我时候买车了，但我又犹豫不定，毕竟一辆车价钱不菲。修理费，路税，油费，每个月的分期付款，开销是蛮大的，说到底又是在讲钱。车是会买，会拥有但现在还不是时候，何况我还是单身。不过我回家会比较方便确实是无可否认的事实。


很多人都说开摩多危险，从他们的立场看，我没否认。确实是有很多鲁莽及无视交通规则的摩多骑士，但也有些是汽车的错。很多司机以为在车里就很安全的想法，时常不顾周围，现在流行着边驾车边动智能手机，最后连累到是其他无辜的人。


最近重玩 <<最终幻想10>> (Final Fantasy X) ,虽说是十年前的游戏了，但一点都不马虎，果然是配称得上经典游戏啊....

13/7/2012(Friday)

Melancholic days turn to week.
I'm trapped in this life,this house,this streets,this island.
I try to occupy myself,but my mind seems wandering off, couldn't help myself setting on depression and regret.
How could i have been foolish and naive enough to think this would be a life that worth living.
I don't care if i sound selfish,saying i can't keep giving and giving and giving...
Giving without taking? Some might think it is agony and to me, yeah it's damn true.
I stand in society but not being my real self, you can say i'm faking myself.
I stand aloof not wanting to budge in any talks or parties, you can say me is a weirdo.
But to those people judging me, they neither know me nor are willing to trust my words...


=.= It'd been really really a while i didn't try revising back my writing. Come to think on it, i used to like immersing myself in my world of story. Guess the realistic world that i facing had made my skill gone rusty.
Writing is  a something  that people do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell other people a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it.


Speaking of introverts, i thinks that i am being 100% of it.A lot of people must think I'm an introvert, or quiet and moody. I've even heard some people say that there's a certain mystery or darkness about me. I'm not that way. I'm just really into what I do except that i don't let people step into my world easily.But, i am still me and most importantly,i am more happy for being this way. 


The reason why the majority of people think that there’s something wrong with introverts is because the majority of people aren’t very knowledgeable when it comes to introverts, in terms of why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do.


Let say an example, if people really want to engage an introvert in conversation, i think that they better skip the small talk. Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met.


This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that people have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant. Usually,extroverts will notice that introverts don’t talk that much with other people. Therefore, extroverts assume that introverts think they’re too good to talk to others, hence misunderstood them as an arrogant person.Not to mentioned,I,myself too being a victim of it before.
For me,it’s just a matter of preference.Extroverts thrive on small talk. Introverts abhor it. That's all.There’s nothing wrong with either choice, it’s just a matter of preference.


I'm not speaking behalf on the all introverts.But i think that most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t choose to socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they didn't see much evidence of introverts interacting with other people.
This just exacerbates another misconceptions and people simply labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc. It’s understandable why society tends to value extroverts over introverts. Human beings have lived in a tribal society. As the saying goes,"No man is an island, no man lives alone." Being able to interact frequently with people is always regarded as a very good skill when it came to survival.


Well, think of closing the topic of it or otherwise i could write it all night. I remembered the day that i was having appraisal on my working, there is a part to want us identify my own weaknesses. Seriously, what i had written there seemed didn't fit to my actual weakness in life. I know along my 3 biggest weakness well, one is i am a person who can't make any decision immediately. I will always having thoughts of whether go or not,buy or not,do or not...resulting in making heads or tails about virtually anything. Second is i don't like taking risks that i don't foresee. I have quarrelled with my younger brother sometimes before just because of this. A simple example would be i never perform a format on my laptop before.Reason? Because there is a risk i might lose everything even though i have backup.I might end up 'destroying' my own laptop and i am too poor to pay the repair of it. Even a mere RM100 means much to me. The last one is i'm quite a taciturn person who like to bury into my own interest without any people interfere.I am in the opinion that silence is way better than expressing by word. Let just say there's a story behind each person and there's a reason why people acting the way as they are.They aren't just like that because they want to.Something in the past must have created them.At least, this applies to me.


Lately, the weather had become unpredictable and vagrancy. Sometimes, the pulsating heat searing into people skin,making us perspiring profusely.Sometimes, it can be raining without warning.Just don't get it.That's all. Unlike the old days whereas there is usually some event ensued before raining.Firstly is the sky was overcasted with dark menacing clouds. Then, we could see bolts of lightning flashing across the sky followed by deafening peals of thunder roared.Before long,only there is a heavy downpour. 




Lastly,what matters me this week the most is my spending figure. It's over-budgeted. Why money is so hard to earn yet it's so easy to spend away? I'm trying to save every bits of it . Money is supposed not everything in this world, but without money , one could not do anything or survive.in this materialism world. No matter what we do in our life, no money is a no-no. I have tasted being in penniless life before and i do not ever ever want my family to go through that again.Thus,right now i am trying to work as hard as i can, pushing my value as high as possible.Maybe i should consider to get a part time job too.


Phew..what a long record i have jotted down today..=.=

2012年7月6日(金曜日)

今週の事は 実は 日本語で書く事が すこく難しいけど、でもやてみましょうと思った。 じゃあ、何か書きたい？ 勿論、俺の運命と架けるの日だ。やっとついに 俺の appraisal 時間だ。 


主幹の電話を聞てから、なんだろうすこくトキドキになちゃた。もう練習した事があったのに、自分言いたい事また言いえない。前に、もうちゃんと決め言いうつもりなのか。自分の事を本当にがっかいしていた。俺のでんごうコミュニケーションの方はそんなに 悪いのか。


もし書き留めの事、まあ、俺は 自信まんまんよ。昔は 本が大好きだった。一ぱい色々な本をよんだ事があった。あの時、英語の書く とても上手だったし、試験でもいつも高い点をもらったし、作家に なりたいな っての夢があった。ただ作家じゃなくて，ほうかのな多くさん夢もあった。


どんなのチャレンージを受けったのやるきがなければならいか。あいつは 私の事、私の人生 、私の昔、何も知らないのに、えらそに事を言いちゃたばかりだと思った。まいい、で、これからハ-ド モードの人生を辞めるとか。時はもうすぐ来、ちょっとまじに考えてしないと...


 あの時、もっと素直で はっきり 話しリてればよかった。


『えーと、私 の給料、3000 リンッギットが欲しです。』
こいう感じ、どう？ こいう事言うわけないあたいりでしょう。ほんとんに自信が持ってないかな?恥しいと思った、勇気が出さないような。ああ~~いつも、いつもこんな事。


とにりあず、もうやてる事をやった。後は、ただ祈る事ができる。別に何も期待し、ただ私の給料を確か上える、そして仕事でなにも無事でいいと...